Sex is not the no.1 romantic gesture for men

“Romance is the essence of life. It’s the water that keeps the flower of your marriage alive.” — Unknown

Romance is a universal experience. It is a complex and multifaceted concept that plays a crucial role in human relationships. It enriches our lives with feelings of affection, intimacy, and connection. It’s expressed differently in different cultures depending on their belief system, the idea of love, and how they feel, think and act in their romantic relationships.

Romance has been a subject of fascination for centuries, and it continues to captivate both men and women alike.

Romance generally involves a mix of emotional and sexual desire with emotional highs, excitement, passion, and joy. It is often get replaced by passionate love and sexual attraction as synonyms. They all have some commonalities and yet are different.

Romance is the fanciful, expressive, pleasurable feeling from an emotional attraction towards another person. There is often more emphasis on emotions than on physical pleasure.

However, romance is usually associated with women’s desires and expectations. Romance means differently to men and women. For instance, some women find a surprise dinner or a vacation romantic. For others, a sensual touch is romantic. For some, receiving gifts and flowers is romantic, and for some it’s a waste.

What do men find romantic? While there is no one answer to this question, so I explored the multifaceted world of male perspectives on romance.

I did a small survey on men because men usually don’t express and talk about romantic gestures. They feel it sounds feminine. I wanted to bring them out of their comfort zone and make them think and talk about it to make women aware of what their partner likes and not go with the popular belief that all they need is sex.

Yes, true, men do equate love with sex, but they are also drawn towards romantic stimuli even though they don’t like to admit it openly. Studies have shown that even though men feel loved by sex, they also want to feel connected to their partner. Gestures and actions show them they are cared for, respected, needed, and desired by their significant other.

In my study, some men had to put much thought into it because they let their relationship go on autopilot and never talked about it. Their wives/girlfriends didn’t know what their spouse/partner finds romantic until I asked.

Here are romantic gestures that these sweet 16 honest men in mid-life expressed — in their own words:

1- “When she pays attention to my likes and dislikes.”

2 — “Her physical affection makes me feel very romantic.”

3 — “When she makes plans for the evening or the weekend.

- When she does things that have been pushed aside.

- Quality time that she sets aside amid crazy schedules.

- Her sense of humor when life gets heavy.

- Spontaneous acts -verbal or bodily expressions.

4- “Eye contact — it feels romantic and feels like true love.”

5- “When I watch her making an effort to do things for me that I like, I feel like bringing the entire world to her. That is so romantic for me.”

6- “When she talks kindly and respectfully with me. When she appreciates me, I feel loved.”

7- “Wakes me up with a surprise bj. Surprise me with morning coffee to bed. Also, I find her very romantic when she is vulnerable with me and shares her emotions. I feel loved that she trusts me and considers me safe to reveal her inner self. That is romantic for me.”

8- “When I see her making an effort and taking the initiative in planning something I like and enjoy, whether planning a walk together or initiating sex.”

9- “When she appreciates what I do for her and the family.”

10- “I find deep, warm kisses and a lot of hugs the most romantic and lovable gestures.”

11- “When she makes me feel alive, she takes the initiative in holding my hand, takes me for a walk on the beach, and kisses me, and when she lets me pleasure her.”

12- “When I see her speaking/standing up for me.”

13- “When she takes the initiative to plan any holiday or event instead of me doing it all the time.”

14- “When she does things for me that I like. I feel valued and appreciated. I find that very romantic and loving.”

15- “I feel very much loved when she gets out of her comfort zone and does something for me.”

16- “When she respects our differences. When she plans something for me that she will not be part of and, knowing that makes me happy makes her happy. That is very romantic and loving for me.”

The perception that men are less romantic than women is a stereotype. Men, like women, have diverse preferences when it comes to romance, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer to what men find romantic.

This survey showed that acts of service, affection, appreciation, respect, and effort played a huge role in feeling loved and romantic by these 16 men in midlife across cultures and faiths.

Many times, your partner does things for you thinking you will like it, but those acts don’t excite you. You don’t say anything because you don’t want to hurt them. Indirectly, you are encouraging them to do more of those acts. The more and more they do the same, the more you get frustrated. You feel your partner is not romantic, whereas your partner thinks otherwise. As a result, you will either build resentment over time or surrender or blame it on the situation.

If you differ from your partner, a simple solution is openly communicating what you want and how you want it. Your partner will not know if you keep quiet.

I encourage couples to ask each other what romantic gestures they like. Do more of those instead of keep guessing.

Romance is a deeply personal and subjective experience that can take many forms. Every individual’s experience is unique, and what brings joy and fulfillment can vary from person to person. The most romantic gestures are those that are sincere, thoughtful, and tailored to the specific dynamics of the relationship.

Love and romance have the power to add beauty, meaning, and depth to our everyday lives. They remind us of the profound impact on our well-being and happiness.

“Romance is the spice that turns the routine of everyday life into a feast.” — Unknown

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