MY CHILD IS A BI (BISEXUAL) AND I WANT TO CRY

Challenges parents face and an Ultimate Path to accept your Bisexual child.

A mother came to me to talk about her son’s sexual orientation. She is trying to make peace, but her husband wants to disown him. We don’t even know whether the son is a homosexual or a bisexual yet. Did he just discover that he likes men because previously he dated and had a serious relationship with a woman? Not sure. Probably because “he was wired that he was supposed to like people of the opposite sex”? We have to work on that and find out.

The American Psychological Association (2008) reported that sexual orientation was more than just sexual attraction to women, men, or both; it included emotional and romantic attraction as well.

They don’t fall in love with a gender; they fall in love with a person.

Understanding Bisexuality is a complex, and historically overlooked topic. It is not a label. It is an identity.

Researchers first described bisexuality during the 19th century. But even if you go back to the old scriptures of any faith you will find stories about homosexuality.

It takes lot of courage for a homosexual or a bisexual to open up but these myths about bisexuality may force some to conceal who they are, to protect themselves from intolerance.

Myths

• Bisexuals were heterosexuals who were “just experimenting” and this phase will pass.
• Bisexuals were people confined in single-gender institutions (e.g., all girl/boy schools or prisons) who shifted to the available gender.
• Bisexual person may be denying their homosexuality because of the stigma attached.
• They are supposedly more sexual, more confused, and indecisive. They are accused of wanting the best of both worlds.
• Bisexuals don’t have the guts to come out in the open so they take a safe way.

There is no fixed age for people to discover their sexual orientation. Some realize in their teens and some even in their early 20s. The challenging part is, they find themselves isolated when they disclose this to their family. The atmosphere of the family dynamics can change drastically.

Many parents react with confusion or anger when their child tells them that they are not heterosexual. They question why they can’t be in an opposite sex relationship? It would be so much easier. Easier for who? You? Do you want your child to live a fake life and suffer?

I grew up in India and now living in the US, it’s unfortunate to see that homosexuality is still considered a disease in that part of the world today. Have you ever thought how that can affect their mental health? Many film makers are coming out with movies and documentaries and making an effort to educate general population the science behind homosexuality. It’s not an easy undertaking. Old beliefs take time to change.

One study showed “that Individuals reporting a bisexual orientation had an increased risk of suicide attempts compared with their homosexual and heterosexual peers. Risk factors included related victimization, peer judgments, and family rejection. Bisexual individuals also reported higher rates of mental illness and substance abuse.” — Maurizio Pompili et al, 2014.

The more you express your solid support and understanding the more comfortable they will be in sharing their stories with you. At the soul’s core you will feel how they feel. When you show your genuine interest in them, the strong connection that you build will make them feel truly valued and worthy to be alive.

Parents experience greater difficulties not just because of their child’s sexual orientation but the stigma that they face, a single parent more so. In that case, they don’t have a partner to discuss things with and they have to deal with it on their own. I would encourage a parent to talk to someone they trust.

How can a parent support their bisexual child?

- Let them know they are loved.

- Open communication including listening attentively and patiently.

- Educate yourself.

- Look out for signs of bullying.

- Team with other parents and friends of your children.

- Make sure they form healthy relationships.

- Be available for guidance and support.

- Hope that others will see them as an incredible person that they are and not for their sexual orientation.

Behaviors to avoid as a parent:

- Don’t try to talk them out of their sexual orientation.

- Don’t belittle or make fun of them.

- Don’t impose your belief system on them.

- Don’t bring in “religious beliefs” to make your children feel guilty. Remember, God does not discriminate against His children, and everyone deserves to be accepted regardless what faith or religion you belong to. As long as you are a good person, you are good to go.

- Don’t tell your child that you are ashamed of them.

- Don’t exclude them from family events and family activities.

- Don’t let your personal fears or traditional values hold you back from accepting your child.

They are the very same child you gave birth to and raised all these years. Accept them, unconditionally.

The process of acceptance is a two-way street. Children need to realize that their parents come from a different generation and they cannot expect them to accept or understand their bisexuality overnight.

Why do I want to delve in and obtain a greater understanding of bisexuality? Maybe it was the pain that I witnessed in a mother’s eyes that really touched my heart. My personal commitment is to help her and many others experiencing similar issues.

In order to do that, I would like to speak with you. I want to support and listen to you with my empathetic and non-judgmental ears to understand you at depth.

It is time to break through old beliefs that don’t work regarding one’s growth and development. Step by step we can make positive changes that enlighten, educate, and elevate society. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

If interested in talking and spreading the message, feel free to email me at coachwithsonali@gmail.com