HOW IMPORTANT IS IT TO SAY “I LOVE YOU” OR WORDS OF AFFIRMATION TO YOUR PARTNER?

How often do you appreciate your partner or say words of affirmation or simple yet powerful words “I love you”?

When you praise your partner, you affirm that you appreciate your partner’s specific behavior. Like, for example, if your partner has spent some extra time improving their dressing, then praise their efforts. Let them know how they look in that outfit. Be specific when you give a compliment. Personalize your words so they feel well-thought-out.

Because for some, words of affirmation mean so much. It shows them that you are noticing them. These loving words make them feel valued, respected and satisfied in a relationship.

Here are some examples but you can always customize them.

• “I appreciate it when you…”
• “I couldn’t do this…without you.”
• “I really love the new outfit. You look hot in it”
• “It impressed me when you…”
• “Thank you for…”
• “You are doing such a great job. I’m really proud of you.”
• “Your support means a lot to me.”

But there is a catch to these affirmations to work. Make sure you are authentic when you say it. Your words must not sound like made up. If you are not sincere, then after a while, your partner will easily tell if they are real, or if you are just trying to please them. Also, if you are saying just to please them, you will have always have this inner struggle each time you give them a fake compliment, you will be saying inside, “that’s not true, I don’t think you are xyz!”

So make sure your words are coming from your heart and that shows in your actions as well.

Another important thing to remember is - compliment your partner in front of other people. Tell them what you really appreciate. Tell them how wonderful you think your partner is. When your partner comes to know that you say good things about them to others, that will touch their heart. So, don’t be stingy with your compliments but don’t overdo it either.

So why do we do all this? Why do we have to be so particular about praising, complementing and affirming?

Well, the thing is, humans are neurologically wired to connect with others. We are constantly turning toward others for comfort.

Let me give you an example to explain this. When a child has a bad dream or gets hurt, that child goes to the parents to get comfort, help and affection. Over time, that child learns that the parents are always there in need of help. This gives them a sense of love and support.

But if the child senses that parents are not willing or they are not there to offer support, they may either try to ask for their attention — or withdraw and try to depend only on themselves. Now, if that had happened growing up, that child may have difficulty connecting or will not want to connect with others in adulthood.

That’s why this need to hear words of praise varies from person to person. You will have to find out how important it is for your partner. Your comforting words remind your partner that you are there for them and that they matter to you. Basically, they look for your emotional presence.

The next question is do you say “I love you” to your partner and how often do you say it? Some people have a strong need for verbal affection, they don’t get tired of hearing it and they also say it quite often. But for some it doesn’t come naturally to say it. What do you do then? If your partner has a strong need and you don’t feel comfortable saying it. In that case what you can do is — you can start your conversation with some endearing words, like babe, beau, hun, sweat pea, beautiful, sunshine, I am just giving you some examples…use what you like.

Or what you can do is think about their positive traits that can help you say I love you. I am sure there are many things that you like about your partner that’s why you are with them. When you tell your partner you love them, it nurtures emotional intimacy. It keeps the relationship alive.

And words of affirmation don’t just have to be in the form of compliments — they can also be words of encouragement. Let’s say your partner made an extra effort on a project at work. Offer them some encouraging words. Let them know that you believe in them and you are there to support them.

And the person who is receiving all these appreciation and words of affirmations - let your partner know how their words make you feel. When you do that, it helps create a safe space where both of you will feel comfortable communicating openly with each other. You can say something like, “I love when you tell me what a great job I’m doing,” or you can say “It makes me feel so good to hear you say that.” This way, when they know you love positive words and praise, it will motivate them to continue.

When you speaking and hear positive words more often than negative ones, it activates the motivational centers of the brain to take positive action more often.

MRIs of the brain have shown that a simple affirmation causes the brain to light up the same reward centers that respond to other pleasurable experiences, such as winning a prize or eating delicious food.

That just shows how powerful impact positive and kind words can make.

And how do you ask your partner if words of affirmation are important to you? And if you think when you ask, that may put pressure on your partner. You can say something like -

· “I would love to hear some encouraging words from you when I am dealing with work stress.”

· “I appreciate all the little things you do for me every day. It would be nice if I hear more of your kind words.”

· “I really love hearing when you tell me how proud you are of me and my accomplishments. Those words give me lot of encouragement.”

· “Your “I love you” means the world to me.”

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