How do you recognize Clingy Behavior?

Some Signs to look for…

Different people have different ideas about clinginess on what level of affection and attention they want in a relationship. One person may see it as neediness, but it could simply be a reasonable request to meet their needs. Some people are not comfortable with emotional intimacy and affection, so for them, meeting their partner’s needs may feel like clinginess to them.

So how do you recognize clingy behavior?

I will tell you a story, and along the way, I will tell you some signs of a clingy person to look for in yourself or your partner.

Many years ago ..its been so long visited some friends in California, and I watched the wife calling her husband every 5 minutes, asking where are you now …where have you reached…when he came to pick us up from the airport. As planned, we stayed with them for one day and the rest in the hotel. That one day was really interesting.

I noticed her constantly calling her husband when he went to work the next day. Evening when the kids were home, she would use the kids and say the kids wanted to talk to their daddy….just because she wanted to see what is he up to..what was he doing?

If for some reason he wouldn’t pick up her call, either because he would be busy with work or simply to avoid her, she would become very anxious and fear and worry he would leave her, as a result making her needier. Meaning she would need more reassurance from him that he loves her and would be around to take care of her.

We all need reassurance from our partners. It is normal. But Clingy people, take it to the other extreme. And that can get very exhausting for the partner.

At that time, I didn’t have the knowledge I have today. So it irritated me so much and I was like I will be suffocated in this kind of a relationship and I pitted the husband and wondered how is he tolerating her. Because she would say a lot ohhh! I just wanted to make sure you are ok and I get worried when you don’t pick up the call. IN my head I was like he is at work, leave him alone.

The husband is very loyal and much dedicated to her, it wasn’t like he was flirting around or sleeping around. But the fear of abandonment was really high in her. She had a tough time trusting others because of some past events as a child and also she was cheated on in her previous romantic relationships.

Later on she and her husband worked with the professional and figured out where these insecurities and fears are coming from that it was manifesting in one of the forms of behavior we call clinginess and he learned how to manage her anxieties and insecurities and set boundaries. It took a lot of time. It didn’t happen overnight, but they both worked on it and have been working since then on their relationship. She had an anxious attachment, and the husband was avoidant. Not a great combination to start with, but it can be worked on. SO its not just one person responsible for an unhealthy relationship, its both and both need to do their part to improve and better.

So a clingy person constantly calls and texts till they get a response otherwise they start panicking,

Clingy people have no friends of their own, no interests of their own, shower so much affection on their partner obsessively to the point that it is emotionally draining.

A clingy person will also try to cut their partner off from their friends because they don’t like their partner to spend their time with anyone else but them. I could sense that she didn’t like her husband taking us around. He would look at her and had to ask her permission for every little thing.

So A clingy person tries to control their partner’s time. The partner can’t make plans of their own. They would require pre-approval or permission for anything they want to do. There is a difference in wanting to spend some quality time with your partner, that’s not what it is. but the clingy person takes everything to the other extreme. There is no balance, and it makes it a very unhealthy relationship.

If they are in a new relationship, they try to speed up the relationship quickly, they don’t take much time to say I love you, they drop hints of marriage, and so forth because they want to hold on to that person and want to seal the deal as fast as they can.

Clinginess can come from different reasons. And it can definitely be worked on. It takes a lot of patience and motivation to improve. To do that, first you need to take ownership of your behavior. It is very easy to put all the blame on your partner and give justification to your extreme behavior that you are doing it out of love making the partner feel guilty. It is not love. It is an obsession and manipulation.

Look within yourself and see if you are showing any sign of clinginess. You both need to be aware of what you are doing so that you can build a healthy relationship.

If you need assistance, contact me and we will explore and figure out things for you.

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