DO YOU KNOW WHY YOUR MAN HAS DIFFICULTY IN EXPRESSING EMOTIONS?
It depends what era you belong to, whether you are a baby boomer or Gen X or Gen Y.
Boys are trained from early on that their success requires them to compete. And to perform and succeed in any aspect of life, it requires them to control and suppress their emotions. Or else they will lose.
A man is taught to fix things. He can’t cry, but it is ok to get mad. They get together with other men for drinks or watch sports, that is how they channel their emotions.
The media also plays a significant role in projecting what a ‘real man’ looks like. If they do not follow a certain criteria, then they are not “man enough”.
They don’t express their inner feelings to their male friends either because they don’t want them to see their issues or appear weak. When they get married, their interaction with other men for the most part is limited to their workplace. They are not good at maintaining friendships once they are married.
What do they do then? They simply rely on their partner when it comes to expressing their emotions or coping with their problems. And many women have expressed it really gets exhausting for them over time.
Think about what happens when they retire. Their wives are their only source of interaction and they expect them to be like a Secret Service agent, by their side all the time. They become jealous and insecure if their spouse has outside interests.
It’s catch 22, women are nurturers and supportive, however, overtime they may become resentful for always having to be the “rock”.
It is not healthy to put all your eggs in one basket.
“In a recent British study, 2.5 million men admitted to having no close friends. What is more, men conceal pain and illness at much higher rates than women. So what, then, is a man to do when he needs honest, unbiased support from someone other than his partner, but is unwilling or unable to try therapy? Some American men have found a powerful solution: men’s support groups. And these groups have been found to make them better partners to the women in their lives.” They expressed that they learned how to take care of themselves instead of becoming emotionally needy.
Men tend to display signs of anger, frustration, depression, aggressive behavior, etc., and in most cases will not seek therapy because they believe it is a sign of weakness. For those males that do find professional help, they usually have a hard time expressing their emotions.
Your personal and relationship well-being is at stake when you internalize your emotions and keep them inside regardless of gender. When you talk and express your feelings, it lets you process your thoughts, bring more clarity, release stress, get support from others.
Bottling up your emotions for a longer period of time, can lead to mind and body imbalance.
In the words of Sigmund Freud “Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and come forth later in uglier ways”.
I lived that life for many years and believe me it is not fun at all. One day, I exploded and shook everyone around me. It was a painful experience, but it was necessary. I could only keep so much inside. It took time for me to break that old pattern of not expressing. But I would say, I am very thankful to have met people who supported and encouraged me to express myself fully.
When we talk about men, “Men are not taught how to identify what their emotional needs are, their thoughts and feelings, or to express how someone can help them fulfill these,” explains Dr. Angela Beard, a clinical psychologist at the Veterans Affairs in Dallas, Texas.
You have a right to express your emotions as every other individual on this planet.
It is time to redefine “manliness”.
I asked some of the mothers across cultures and found that most of them taught their sons that it’s ok to show their emotions. They are raising them to express their feelings and encourage them to talk it out instead of getting angry or sad.
But few were afraid of what others are going to think, not realizing that it puts a burden on women to be their sole supporters later in their life.
It is time for society to no longer stigmatize males for public displays of emotions. Together, we can redefine the definition of masculinity. It is an act of kindness if we all embrace these changes. Change is happening but it is slow.
My question is — why doesn’t a mother being a woman, finds her responsibility to let her son know that it is ok to cry… it is ok to express your feelings and that doesn’t make him less masculine. Fathers too ask their sons not to show their emotional weakness in public.
It is time for men to no longer feel stigmatized for having the courage to express their emotions in public.
We need to break our old patterns and adopt new. The new pattern is raising our boys past the stereotypical masculine characteristics. “Every time we are frustrated, disgusted, or uncomfortable with a man appearing ‘weak’ or ‘sensitive,’ we contribute to the problem,” says board-certified clinical psychologist Kristina Hallett, Ph.D.
But to think of it, women to some extent are also responsible for making their men not to express themselves fully. They want them to express only selectively and to the extent they can manage. Some studies show that women judge men as being poorly adjusted if they deviate from the traditional masculine norm by being emotionally expressive and talking about their fears.
For a traditional masculine man to open up and express themselves we need to fully accept, value, and respect them.
Seek Professional Help
Men usually avoid professional help. They believe that no issue is big enough that they cannot manage, and they downplay any signs they experience as a result of any struggle.
Whereas professional help can let them be able to see things clearly as they strip the layers of their mind where they have never been before and that too without any fear of being judged.
It is a courageous step for them to take help for their personal struggles.
Little guidance and direction always help in bringing self-awareness and self-growth no matter what area of life it is.
I am here for you to listen non-judgmentally. Schedule your free Discovery call today.
Originally published at https://www.lovelifecoachxo.com on November 28, 2020.
